Thursday, March 26, 2015

Crapshoot 2015: Losers and Losers (finale)

In Crapshoot, there are no winners.
What started as a simple watch through of 8 ill received films snowballed into a project double the length with even less fun. I wish I could say that the material I got out of these movies was worth the pain but the psychologist I aim to contact in the near future would seem to disagree.

Nevertheless, I can’t leave this year’s mass of cinematic compost without wrapping it up in a bow to be packed away in my brain’s corner for repressed memories forever more.



Endless Love
 While the depths of suck achieved by the lower end of 2014’s inferior products make this one look like a walk in the park comparatively, it shouldn't be forgotten how disturbingly and horrendously backwards this film has romance on almost every conceivable level.

If you want to create a shallow hook up scenario for people that think they know the world despite having yet to live out a quarter of the projected lifespan of a health human being, that’s your prerogative. Don’t however, package said hookup by making the antagonizing force somewhat sensible yet ultimately powerless were this scenario to take place in real life while asking us to root for a stupid, privileged, naïve, rich, sheltered girl ready to throw away the opportunity of a lifetime for a secured future in a ludicrously competitive multi-million dollar career field over spending 2 weeks with a boy she slept with 2 days after meeting, whom she could have regular contact with even while away.

Also, don’t do any of the above while claiming to be an adaptation of a book that was more or less about the exact opposite of said stupidity.



God’s Not Dead

There’s nothing wrong with having faith and wanting to create a strong case for that faith in an era when one’s beliefs must publically sit side by side with other more radically different ideas. Everything is wrong with doing that by putting down other beliefs by making yourself look like the only sane man amongst sociopaths and brutes, yet failing to get across why your belief is better despite only having straw man representatives to compare to.

God’s not dead may be one of the most technically watchable films I've discussed within the last few months but it nevertheless stands tall as the one of the most infuriating.


  

A Haunted House 2

In an age where cops seem to be trigger happy to shoot black people over jaywalking during a traffic light time frame, this low brow hypocritical collection of stereotype references with no punch line is not exactly the kind of thing that I wanted to see coming from a man whose family represents a legacy of hard working and intelligent African American presence in showbiz breaking down barriers of race for all.

Setting aside its disturbing sociopolitical implications for the time of its release however, “A Haunted House 2” is debilitatingly unfunny and downright disgusting. Despite being granted the qualifications to widely advise people against watching it, no amount of ravaging I could give this film was worth having had to sit through it.



Transformers: Age of Extinction


Because even when Transformers wasn't discussed, it will always be a failure.

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