Thursday, March 19, 2015

Crapshoot 2015: Forgive Me Lord for I Have Sinned



In the eyes of god, they’re all equally stupid.




Before getting under way, allow me to preface the cinematic crucifixion to come by plainly expressing that I mean no ill will to people of any religion or faith, Christian or otherwise.

The movies on today’s docket are simply terrible works put together by incompetent people, in some cases, demonstrating an ignorance or inconsideration of the world that they live in. In no way do these bad eggs represent the majority of their religion. I would be giving the same criticism to any one note portrayal of a single sect of people at the cost of demonizing those around them.
In the case of “Left Behind” however, that ignorance is overshadowed by a film faced with the problem less of being preachy and more of being terminally boring.

Nic Cage gives, what may quite possibly be, the deadest performance of his entire career as flight captain Rayford Steele, a pilot who must land his plain with little communication from the ground when the Rapture occurs, leaving his daughter to wander through the madness of the masses after her brother and mother disappear along with a larger percentage of the human population.

Our heroes struggle through this 50 minute plot for an excruciating hour and 45 minutes of editing that had less effort put into it than a network television production, as their punishment of staying on the sinful earth is carried due to the Rapture’s oddly specific targeting of children and anybody with a day planner, intent on going to bible study, but not people regularly demonstrating heroic personalities and selfless attitudes. Not people of strong character that happen to hold differing faiths though; they need to be taught a lesson about not accepting Jesus into their hearts no matter how much they seem to uphold what he stood for.

Unfortunate implications and laughably bad editing aside however, the biggest sin of “Left Behind” is that it’s just agonizingly dull. Calling the plot of this film stretched out is an understatement proportionate to saying Hitler was mean. I’m not even sure if the movie was half-assed so much as it was just incomplete.

Even Cage can’t save the endless expanses of nothingness that comprise the movie. In fact, seeing him clearly forcing himself to work where he obviously doesn't want to be only makes the extra hour of the film that could have been trimmed harder to watch.

If nothing else though, “Left Behind” is far more tasteful than “God’s Not Dead.”




In a world where Christianity seems to be the key to basic human civility, an arrogant psychopathic atheist college professor forces his student to professionally debate the existence of god for the well being of his passing grade after he refuses to renounce god at his instructor’s demand.

Meanwhile a Muslim girl interested in the teachings of Christ is beaten by and disowned by her father, an Asian student fascinated by Christianity is accosted by his father and told to focus on his studies, and a liberal blogger gets cancer all while this young man fights the judgmental powers that be around him for the opportunity to hold his faith while learning.

“God’s Not Dead” isn't so much a movie as it is a text book example of straw man argumentation from an empowered majority that seems to believe that society’s move towards diversification is a war on their way of life.

For the sake of brevity, I’ll ignore almost everything wrong with the main conflict dealt with in the college, both because even low level professionals could instantly write a book about the numerous things wrong with this scenario existing in the first place, much less being carried out beyond a 2 day period, and frankly, if you believe that Kevin Sorbo is even remotely playing a human being, let alone a passable example of the average atheist, you’re probably in the film’s demographic and wouldn't heed much of the criticism of his role any way.

Rather, what truly ground my gears past the point of disgust and into downright hatred is how disgusting its intention of making out “the other” as a force of oppression or danger that Christianity feels the need to save its “faithful” from.

As mentioned above, “God’s Not Dead” desperately attempts to put up an uplifting face; a tale of overcoming crisis of faith to be justly rewarded at the end of the trials with a beautiful and worthwhile glimmer of light despite all of the cold and harsh darkness of the world. However, never does it once offer a levelheaded view of its opposing viewpoints, which only makes its efforts to use college professionalism as a device to compellingly argue its stand points all the more laughably childish.

It’s quick to portray not an overview of Asian culture but a stereotype of their strict professionalism as something that is overbearing and unable to compartmentalize matters of life from business. It covers the life of a Muslim girl whose father seems to view her as the apple of his eye yet doesn't miss a beat to smack her, drag her outside and throw her out of his own door without even a hint of discussion or understanding in the present or future of the film. And I won’t even dignify a response to a liberal news reporter that is apparently on the pathway to a prestigious press career, yet uses Wikipedia as a professional research platform. That one practically writes itself.

The one note portrayal of struggling minorities in a cartoonishly negative light in an effort to make a majority feel better about themselves while closing off the discussion of how we should accept one another as human beings in favor of assimilating other cultures into their own is not only disgustingly backward but was entirely unnecessary.

There’s a sub plot within the film about an African minister visiting his fellow colleague and close friend within the church in United States, coming across several highly relatable frustrations of life, public transportation and business bureaucracy that are mostly highlighted in a comedic manner and perfectly encapsulate what the film should have been about. It may not have been entirely original but the charm and chemistry of the actors could have made it work for a 90 minute feature, demonstrating how regardless of the world’s determination to keep you down, things can work out if you just hold your head up high and keep your faith in check. It was the only section of the film remotely bearable and there’s not enough of it to go around.

“God’s Not Dead” may not have been the worst made film of 2014 but it is undoubtedly one that I detest the most. 

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