It would appear that my quest for a decent werewolf movie has come to a close in failure. A true shame too, as there was some real potential with David Hayter’s “Wolves.” Yes that’s right, Solid Snake writes movies, quite a few if you didn't already know.
We have Hayter to thank for helping to put comic book movies on the map with the first 2 “X-Men” films, the decently adapted screenplay that Zack Snyder would go on to botch in “Watchmen” and the schlocky but fun sequel to “The Guyver.” Of course I also have him to thank for “The Scorpion King 4” thanks to his work in bringing the first “The Scorpion King” to fruition.
Either way, the guy tends to write decently, assuming the project has a director with the right cinematic sensibilities to breathe life into the story that he’s trying to tell. Unfortunately, he is not that director.
The story in question features Lucas Till as Cayden, a werewolf adopted by an unknowing couple, who has his first transformation on the onset of fighting his own raging hormones as a high schooler. After apparently, murdering his parents after his first transformation, he goes on the lamb and finds himself on a farm that I can only assume is on lease by Ma and Pa Kent, in a village bullied by a werewolf Khal Drogo (Jason Momoa), going by the name of Connory Slaughter, and his minions.
What ensues is an exploration of Cayden’s origins as Lucas Till and Jason Momoa duke it out for the fate of the town and the sex rights over the female lead, who may not have personality but is semi-attractive.
Regardless of whether or not any of the above catches your attention, the movie ultimately sounds more interesting than it really is.
I’ll give it points for being more memorable than “Werewolf: The Beast Among Us,” but where that movie had ambitions and ultimately fell flat, “Wolves” just falls flat on everything, including ambition.
The idea of a werewolf coming of age story isn't bad but the storytelling is split between a script that’s bland whenever its dialogue isn't too on the nose and editing that would be some of the laziest I've seen in recent history had I not seen “Tekken 2: Kazuya’s Revenge” a month ago. I don’t want to discourage Hayter from trying new things but he’s got a lot to work on before he takes up another production. One of the biggest problems with “Wolves” is that it just feels aimless. Not a lot happens in the down time between big set pieces, leaving the production to be carried on the weight of a lot of mediocre performances.
Momoa probably offers the best performance of the cast by virtue of wondering what must have been going through his head as he spends most of his screen time giving the stink eye to people from across a room. Till on the other hand spends so much of the movie looking like a confused frat boy that by the time he has to actually be a badass, he’s impossible to take seriously.
Everything from a technical stand point is so lame that it’s barely even worth laughing at, with the sole exception of the absolutely hilariously terrible werewolf makeup, which looks like the bastard of a gang bang hosted by a “Star Wars” Wookie and one of the Kilrathi from “Wing Commander.”
These costuming decisions and makeup effects, so laughable that they make Anthro-con furries look convincing comparatively, stand strong as a shining vindication for the prominence of CGI in Hollywood.
These effects would almost be worth the price of admission alone but the last 20 minutes chooses to unfortunately torpedo what little good will I had remaining towards the film that seemed to at least be putting forth an effort to be decent.
The disturbing yet inconsistent manner in which women seem to be coveted by werewolf society ultimately goes nowhere, which leads to a climax that sends out a rather needless date rape subtext to Slaughter’s plan.
While I was initially ready to write this off, a last minute twist, coming completely from out of nowhere at a point in which the film had already started wrapping up, puts this issue back at the forefront of the story’s problems along with framing the entire plot with a contrivance that makes the entire story far dumber than it already was to begin with.
I wish I could overlook these problems but even if I had, the pedestrian execution of “Wolves” still wouldn't have made it anything particularly special.
1 Shatner
Bottom Line: I really tried to meet “Wolves” half way but it just kept screwing me over in new ways at every turn.
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