The only successful tool in the arsenal of abstinence.
Readers of “Crapshoot 2016” may remember my original assessment of Anastasia Steele and her whirlwind
Fortunately, the couple’s further adventures in “Fifty Shades Darker” are not quite so surreal in their nonsensical makeup despite contributing to a film that is far worse by virtue of letting the hypocrisy of its nature settle in.
Director James Foley embraces the trashier nature of the source material in ways that can make it an occasionally diverting soap opera for its audience while being filmmaking that is very much laughably bad. However, making the film more watchable does not ultimately translate into it being actually better.
This is where the irritating conundrum comes into play with the very existence of the “Fifty Shades” trilogy.
Mainstream film narrative and storytelling exists in a very different place from pornography. There’s nothing innately wrong with either but when you try to sell either as the other, the final product is inevitably a catastrophic failure.
The only real worth or claim to fame that this series has going for it is sex and “Fifty Shades Darker” does feature some of the more conceptually extreme and kinky aspects of sexual culture that are often shunned or ignored by a sexually repressed mainstream media and society. Unfortunately, the framing of it in the movie leaves it in a sort of limbo that does its subject matter no favors.
Since the movie can’t embrace the production techniques and practices of pornography, the details of the sex don’t land and witnessing the act looks bizarrely and hilariously lifeless. As a feature film however, it dips into highly disturbing territory regarding its outlook on relationships and sexual liberation.
Viewed through the filter of smut, Anastasia being regularly rescued from sexual assault from a man she express mild fear towards only for him to force his way back into her life despite protest and back into a culture she broke up with him over could be seen as problematic but not quite as disturbing under the context of being an arousing and self indulgent fantasy highlighting the engaged viewer as the participating in a willing objectification meant to provide fleeting pleasure.
As a film however, it has to stand as such and watching the abusive numerous subplots consistently blown off by “Fifty Shades Darker” with no ramifications is not only infuriating from an ethical/moral standpoint, but mind numbing to sit through as no actual plot materializes in the place of said material, which does have a certain richness of explorable options.
Most egregious in this regard is the previous film’s titular character of “Christian Grey” himself, introduced into the BDSM lifestyle by a family friend at the age of 15.
Using statutory rape as an element of dramatic backstory for a character meant to represent a sexual subculture is more than a little bit disgusting, especially when its resolution is made to tie into reinforcing a fairytale happy ending that is about the title character’s psychological hang-ups and the damage they exacerbated by participating in the private practices of bondage culture, which is flat out misrepresentative.
However, it gets that extra degree of worse when you realize that it would also perfectly explain his creepy tendencies and would provide actual issues to explore in a real story, which would render his disposable parental abuse backstory moot.
Ultimately, “Fifty Shades Darker” doubles down on the problematic tendency this franchise has thus far had of presenting something somewhat taboo into the mainstream but failing to cash the aspirations of its own check. Failing at that however, while the more stylized and soap operatic direction makes for an experience that is more watchable, it still just isn’t enough to distract from the reality that better options for such a cinematic story exist in a range of superior quality.
And if you really want to watch this material for titillation, drop the prude act and just watch actual porn. It’s 2018.
Which brings us too…
The “Fifty Shades” trilogy reaches its conclusion in a loud, dumb, bombastic, and cartoonish manner that ironically makes it a mildly diverting ride in the trashy capacity that it’s been shooting for since the previous installment and thus making it the best of the series. For whatever that’s worth.
“Fifty Shades Freed” sees Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey adapting to married life while Anastasia’s previous boss Jack Hyde’s unnatural obsession with the couple turns him into a super villain that will resort to any extreme measure to break the two up from their fantasy relationship that turns darkly real when Christian is confronted by his wife with the information that she is unexpectedly pregnant.
If that all sounds like the synopsis of a week of daytime soap operas, it’s because that is exactly what it feels like watching the film play out.
“Fifty Shades Freed” is rife with relationship drama and tension occasionally playing out over the scape of bizarrely detached sex scenes that could be cut from the movie with absolutely no cohesive loss of narrative, easily making up a good 20 minutes of overall runtime, which is of course unsurprising.
The biggest problem with the “Fifty Shades” series cinematically speaking has been its awkward status as literally being pornography masquerading as mainstream narrative fiction.
Ignoring the actual intensity and kinkiness of the sex itself and its borderline insulting misrepresentation of the BDSM culture it appropriates for titillation, there’s no denying that its sole purpose of existing is for just that titillation. Stripping the franchise of its sex draws attention to a story lacking any sense of plot or cohesive development, one dimensional characters that couldn’t fill out an episode of an anthology series, and horrendously backward sexual politics glossing over issues of objectification and statutory rape that are bogglingly overlooked in an age that claims to be so progressive and liberating.
Despite having directors attached attempting to bring both introspective artistic eyes to practitioners of the BDSM concepts at play and a vision of popcorn trash unafraid to indulge in the sleaziness that it anticipates being branded as, this is what has sunken both of the previous films.
What little story is present is disgusting and nonsensical on its own merits while showing up for the sex is an exercise in futility because a mainstream theatrical release can’t explore that in the vivid detail defining it that actual pornography can’t suffice far more effectively. In essence, this series is fundamentally hurt by the fact that its own low budget porn parody would probably be a more faithful and successful adaptation than the $150 million film trilogy currently existing.
Anybody three movies into this series by now knows what they’re after or knows why they hate it and this one is unlikely to change anybody’s mind. It is nevertheless, however, a noticeable cut above the previous movies by sheer virtue of actually having a fully realized narrative attached to the film’s sexual escapades, period, which are among the tamest of the series but are shot with just a hint of higher atmosphere.
Jack Hyde’s turn into a kidnapping, assaulting, sexually battering psychopath may be extreme by any rational metric of story progression but it provides an element of actual adversity that prevents the movie from being anywhere near as mind numbingly boring, while also being the epitome of unintentionally hilarious exaggeration for dramatic effect.
Ditto Christian Grey’s adaptation to married life forcing him to drop his creepy possessive habits, which actor Jamie Dornan actually manages to sell with an almost tongue in cheek level of fish out of water frustration.
Ultimately, you as a viewer probably already know whether or not you’re going to both see and enjoy this movie and whatever you expect to love or hate, “Fifty Shades Freed” delivers in spades.
The only thing setting it apart from its predecessors is that in actually qualifying as a watchable movie this time around, the overall experience will be far less painful for the less inclined.
3 Ball Gags out of 10
Next time, Crapshoot stays firmly in 2017 by stepping into the fantastical worlds of warring vampire and werewolves along with racist elves and orcs.
For more upcoming reviews, don't forget to check out https://www.blacktexasmag.com for more reviews from yours truly as well as news, entertainment, and lifestyle editorials from a perspective provided by a bright team of black Texans.
For more upcoming reviews, don't forget to check out https://www.blacktexasmag.com for more reviews from yours truly as well as news, entertainment, and lifestyle editorials from a perspective provided by a bright team of black Texans.
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