Watching “The Last Airbender” was like crossing an event horizon that I hoped to never see in my life. When I started this week, I went in hoping to have fun poking at bad movies but all I’ve been treated to so far is bland animation and a cinematic travesty that I am convinced has shaved two years off of my life expectancy. Maybe I’ve been beaten into submission by the horrors of M. Night’s career killer and I’ll freely admit that watching an Uwe Boll movie probably would have been an improvement over subjecting me to that nightmare again. That said however, I find myself shocked and pleasantly surprised to find that the film of the bunch that I expected to spit the most venom at has so far been the most enjoyable of the week. Every element of “Jonah Hex” was calculated for me to hate it; a non-superhero story and character amped up to be over the top to appeal to the lowest common denominator, period inappropriate music despite imagery clearly designed to evoke the feel of a western, Megan Fox acting. Despite all of this, I had an undeniable amount of fun with “Jonah Hex”.
Based on the DC comic book character, “Jonah Hex” features the titular character, portrayed by Josh Brolin, on a quest for revenge against Quentin Turnbull (John Malkovich), a confederate Civil War veteran that killed his family after disobeying an order to burn down a hospital. The twist; Turnbull is a member of an anarchist cult planning a convoluted plot to plunge the United States into chaos through the use of an impossible war machine.
The key to accepting “Jonah Hex” is to accept the nature of “Jonah Hex”. “Jonah Hex” just may possibly be the dumbest movie that I have come across in recent history and applaud it for that. Jonah speaks to the dead because he almost died, sure. Horse mounted rail guns, why not? An implausible doomsday weapon that puts the mechanical spider from “Wild Wild West” to shame, god speed. This movie is so gloriously stupid that it makes Michael Bay films look like high art. The saving grace of its lack of logic however is that Jonah Hex never takes itself seriously for one second. It’s cheesy but not lazy or pretentious.
A good deal of the enjoyment stems from the surprisingly solid performances of the cast. It’s a shame that the film took the path that it ultimately did (For which I blame the director’s approach and blatant Hollywood influence) because Josh Brolin actually makes for a fantastic Jonah Hex, being dry, sarcastic and angry with just a hint of remorse that make the character himself so compelling. If Warner Bros. ever decides to reboot this property and do it right, I wouldn’t mind seeing him reprise his role. Although John Malkovich’s performance is ultimately forgettable, his Irish sidekick played by Michael Fassbender steals the show whenever he’s onscreen. You can tell he had fun with his role. And of course Megan Fox is Megan Fox. I’d complain about her bland acting but at this point, if she’s decided to spend her career being nothing but eye candy, I’ve given up on expecting more from her.
Clocking in at only 80 minutes in length, “Jonah Hex” is less than 10 minutes over the required length to be a theatrical release. This may be a technical flaw but I truly appreciate its brevity as watching such poor direction and executive mandate over a screenplay that was actually solid probably would have worn on my nerves after a while.
Ultimately, “Jonah Hex” is a fine textbook example of junk food cinema. It is by all means a bad movie and at a time in which studios are finally beginning to treat comic book adaptations with some integrity, it promotes a regressive image that makes me thankful that it was such a huge financial bomb at the box office. That said however, I had genuine fun with it and as far as failures go, it is undoubtedly one of the most entertaining mishandlings of any source material that I have ever seen. And for that, I salute it.
6.5/10
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