And so I say goodbye to a nother year’s bad movies and a
series that has accompanied me for 8 years.
Although letting go of Crapshoot feels like saying goodbye
to a dear old friend, I can’t help but look to the positives of the shake ups
to come for the future.
My journey as a film critic has been long and winding and as
hard as it can be to not recognize the things around you, it’s always inspiring
to see the level of progress you’re making in your life’s journey.
So as I begin cataloguing bad movies for a proper top 10
worst of list this year in about 10 months, Let me close out Crapshoot once and
for all with a look at the 3 films that stand above the others as the worst
things that I have witnessed in 2018 cinematically.
Holmes and Watson
After the last triple feature I had the misfortune of
suffering through, a comedic misfire featuring Will Ferrell and John C. Reily
almost feels like a distant memory of a cake walk in comparison.
Of course I can’t exactly let off the hook, a film that is
somehow lethally smug to the point of being lazy, yet somehow have a production
that isn’t poor enough to match the lack of effort put into its almost
nonexistent screenplay.
I keep hoping that one day these two will unite to provide
me with a film that is the true second coming of “Talladega Nights” but for
now, “Holmes and Watson” is just proof that their careers should probably file
for restraining orders against one another.
Gotti
Far from good but almost compulsively watchable in its unwatchability,
“Gotti” joins the ranks of “Venom” and “Showdogs” in the prestigious category
of things my friends have to see under copious levels of alcoholic influence.
Perhaps the story of John Gotti will one day make for a
worthy feature that gives Oscar nominees a run for its money but for now it’ll have
to settle for the Razzies and the praise of a hundred fake MoviePass backed
Rotten Tomatoes user accounts
I don’t know if I
quite managed to sell just how much I hate “Life Itself” with a seething and fiery
passion. This is primarily because I don’t think that I can put my hatred of it
into words.
Credit where it’s due, Dan Fogelman was clearly trying to do
something off beat with the movie and I can admire an artist that tried and
failed as opposed to not trying at all.
As somebody that tends to love the sort of art house
experiments that this movie so desperately tries and fails to be however, my
irritation at the depths of its failing to form any sort of cohesive narrative,
tie any sense of thematic coherency to tale its telling, and daring to land on
Hallmark Card schmaltz as a justifiable theme for the unwatchable mess of
editing I was tortured with incites a rage I’ve not felt in quite some time.
“Life Itself” is far from the most boring, laziest, or even
most offensive thing I’ve ever watched in my time writing Crapshoot. The anger
it induces within me however outdoes many of those films sherry based on how
mangled it is in terms of storytelling.
RIP Crapshoot: 2011 - 2019
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