“Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows” is one of the most jaw droppingly terrible films that I have seen this year and would undoubtedly be the single worst were it not both released in the same year as “Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice” and so awe inspiringly sincere in the utter nonsense that it’s shilling forth that its energy is almost infectious.
To regale the plot of this thing, involving the Shredder escaping prison with the help of an alien warlord to enact a global conquest that can only be carried out against the will of the titular turtles by employing two escaped convicts mutated into a rhinoceros and a warthog would not only be downright stupid but completely pointless as the film seems to not so much barely know what it’s about, as it does not even care.
Director Dave Green and Producer Michael Bay have somehow managed to create a feature length live action Saturday morning cartoon episode, from physics having nonexistent impact to plotting that has no form of even lower level nuance, right down to the final destination of all of its characters and set pieces.
By the wrap up of the climax and the realization of exactly how all of the villains are suspiciously sidelined rather than defeated, I almost let out a laugh of exasperation to ask “are you fucking serious?”
“Out of the Shadows” is a film so concerned with pounding its toys together, with any human and real life bits existing as purely procedural for purposes of production and story framework, that the film comes off less as a thinly written committee project emphasizing crowd pleasing actions so much as it does a third grade child’s “Ninja Turtles” fanfiction brought to screen.
Stephen Amell looks like he’s constantly trying to make sense of his surroundings, Will Arnett’s phoning in an easy paycheck, Laura Linney looks outright embarrassed to be in every frame she is forced into and he less said about Megan Fox, the better, who at this rate is crossing the territory of unlucky actress landing bad roles into just being an outright bad actress.
The turtles themselves seem to be about the only thing that really sticks out in an unironically fun way. Their personalities are broad but well humanized and the best moments of the movie come from just watching them play off of each other in what may be the best capturing of the family dynamic that the series has ever actually managed.
I could go on about the film’s pitiful sense of humor and eye bleedingly unpolished CGI but by now, I think the hammer has fittingly pounded in the point; objectively speaking “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows” is a bad movie.
However, it’s an utterly bizarre kind of bad, lacking in harm and almost refreshing. In pumping its most cartoonish elements with steroids it has created something so ludicrously exaggerated yet still precisely targeted to its demographic that it almost works in its own goofy way.
As you may recall, I was rather kind to this film’s 2014 predecessor, a movie that was by no means good but was nowhere near as terrible as its audience of millennial crucifix ready executioners would like the world to believe and this film, though for different reasons, is more or less no exception.
As a man currently 25 years of age, I don’t claim to be a major “Ninja Turtles” fan even extending back to my youth, at least not of the 1989 cartoon so beloved by many. By the time I was cognizant of children’s entertainment, the cultural phenomenon had more or less been dying down and my interests were developed elsewhere. Meanwhile, what exposure and enjoyment I would eventually grow for the franchise stemmed from hand-me-down issues of the original Eastman/Laird comics from older family friends and the more mature and ambitious 2003 animated series, leaving me underwhelmed by the mediocre children’s cartoon that made this franchise so big when I finally did get around to it.
I specify this viewpoint to lay out my stance on this franchise in general; I like it but have always been watching it with a somewhat critical eye.
While I could certainly do with never having to sit through Megan Fox’s wooden delivery and expressionless face as April O’Neal ever again, the rest of the film is, for better or worse, a perfect translation of the silly, exaggerated, child targeted, merchandise driven, and even unapologetically stupid material that it’s pulling from and it’s all done with a sincerity and energy that never lets up for a single moment.
I’ve seen high concept, lowly budgeted direct to video B-flicks and tokusatsu productions with less conviction than this movie has in its subject matter and while I still don’t know whether to be astonished or offended at just how little this movie seems to care for basic rhyme and reason, it never left me bored or angry.
At the end of the day, “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows” is not for the adults that grew up with this series. It is for a new generation of kids growing up with their own version which is not that far off from the one that pop-culture seems to revere so heavily. The film will entertain them and while it’s not good, the brisk pace, high energy, and mercifully brief length make it hard to really outright hate regardless of just how badly made it is.
4 Heroes in half-shells out of 10
No comments:
Post a Comment