The first five to ten minutes of Universal’s 2017 reboot of
their classic horror film franchise, “The Mummy” is just about the perfect summation of the
film that anybody could possibly ask for.
After transitioning from the Universal Studios logo to the proudly
displayed logo of their currently nonexistent “Dark Universe” line of films,
the movie cuts to an exposition dump regarding the discovery of a tomb of
ancient crusaders in subterranean tunnels of London via news reports.
The subsequent sequence of workers exploring said ruins is
then cut off by the sudden arrival of armed forces and archaeologists arriving
to seize control over the area before Russell Crowe enters to be briefed on the
secured status of the tomb, after which he begins to exposit the legend of the
cursed mummy Princess Ahmanet, which then cuts to her tombs accidental
discovery by soldier of fortune Nick Morton (Tom Cruise).
The film essentially frames its story through an exposition
dump that has nothing to do with its plot, in order to set up a flash back in a
setting with little to do with its subject matter, before transitioning to the
actual plot of the film, the crux of which, was an accident regarding events
that are completely divorced from the movies own mythology.
If that doesn’t quite demonstrate just how far up its own
ass the head of “The Mummy (2017)” is, then by all means, stay for the subsequent
show of tonal whiplash that has the balls to call itself the beginning of a
cinematic universe.
The best way to really describe this film is condescendingly
adorable. The set up for a cinematic universe themed around the Universal
Monsters was a bizarre concept for the modern landscape to begin with but the
effort expended by the folks at Universal to make the audience think that it
should care is so pathetic that it almost wraps around into being endearing.
On its own merits, “The Mummy (2017)” is simply a bad movie;
all of the individual aspects of action, comedy, character and horror,
contributed through tight direction, solid set pieces and atmosphere are
actually surprisingly decent in their individual execution but completely fail to play off of one
another well. As a result of this bad coordination, scenes fall flat left and right while the editing of the second half of the movie more or less completely breaks down
into a borderline incomprehensible mess.
In its attempts to set up some sort of grander mythology however,
the film's utter sincerity and cheekiness in thinking that an organization named
Prodigium led by Dr. Jekyll that hunts monsters is a cool response to the
impact of the Marvel Cinematic Universe is so laughable the whole thing starts
to feel like a parody of current Hollywood blockbuster trends.
In a desperation to chase the shared continuity format for
concepts that really don’t suit it well, Universal has launched a cinematic
universe whose inaugural entry is a compelling writer’s exercise in seeing what
would happen if you made just about every possible mistake in launching a
franchise at the concept level.
All of these baffling structural problems don’t even scratch
the surface of the primary issues with the film at face value. Tom Cruise puts
his all into embracing a truly roguish and unlikable profiteering scumbag of a
lead but he’s so underwritten with little to do outside of react to action that
you barely even remember what his character is supposed to be by the third act
of the movie. His romantic lead, played by Annabelle Wallis, gives an embarrassingly
wooden performance of a supposed agent of Prodigium that communicates
competence through stoicism rather than doing anything intelligent or knowledgeable,
leading to bizarre contradictions within the status of her character’s faith in
all of this supernatural nonsense that’s actually occurring.
The biggest waste however, unfortunately goes to Sophia
Boutella, who puts in an excellently convincing and even three dimensional
performance as the titular monster of the movie, that is unfortunately undercut
by the films own inconsistencies. The absurdity of her existence, capabilities,
and obsession with Cruise for freeing her that manifests as an oddly
ritualistic lust are regularly highlighted for humorous purposes that don’t
feed well into the tension of the action sequences or dread of the horror
focused portions of the movie.
What few components of the film actually work are hampered
by their inability to play well with the others, and nowhere else is this more apparent
than with Russell Crowe’s Dr. Jekyll, who performs admirably and desperately
tries to steal a show that doesn’t belong to him only to be shoved out of the
way by Cruise’s performance that boils down the mimicking the audience’s look
of confusion at how overly convoluted such a simple premise should be and a
premature show of Jekyll’s dual identity nature that comes so out of left field
it could have been removed from the movie entirely without making any other
edits.
Through all of the decision making that led to “The Mummy (2017)”
being such a train wreck however, perhaps the most tragic and damning thing
about the final product however is that all of the content conceived of within
this movie could have been kept intact and still produced a solid individual
film while hinting at an interesting franchise to come.
The concept of Cruise’s character being touched by destiny
thanks to the curse placed upon him by the Mummy could have been a cool set up
to a series of horror themed adventure films regarding a man’s attempts to fend
off the supernatural world that he’s been exposed to in a global scale quest
that puts him at cross roads with monsters of legend. It could have been the
best John Constantine/Hellblazer adaptation never created.
Or, failing the route
of doing something that different, it could have at the very least remained a
sequence of contemporary monster remakes that share background elements until a
unique adventure film came to fruition that could make use of the growing
mythology stuffed in by Prodigium.
For what it’s worth however, taking the low road didn’t make
“The Mummy (2017)” much less of an entertaining film. Of inferior quality so as
to be an unintentionally funny and perversely fascinating masterpiece? Most
certainly, but the entertainment value is certainly their if you’re into studio
decision making gone hilariously wrong.
3 Bizarrely Located Ancient Tombs out of 10
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