Monday, March 7, 2016

Crapshoot 2016: Won't Somebody Think of the Children



Its a perfect illustration of film industry ambition at both extremes with more or less the same result.








Cynical, manufactured, predictable outdated and financially successful; if you really needed to describe any “Alvin and the Chipmunks” movie, that would just about summarize it but that’s not exactly surprising.

Nobody was asking for a revival of “Alvin and the Chipmunks” nearly 10 years ago and I’m still not fully convinced it’s being clamored for right now. Nevertheless “Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip,” through careful scheduling and low balling production capital, has managed to just eke out a profit thanks to timing and minimal effort.

I’ve long stopped asking how and why this series has seen the success that it has received but

I like to hope that people are savier than Hollywood gives them credit for but at the end of the day, business will always find an element of laziness and low standards to exploit for a buck.


I would instead like to direct my confusion and frustration towards one simple question; Twentieth Century Fox, how long do you intend to keep this up?


 A few personal heroes of mine subjected to this monstrosity put forth an admirable summary, claiming this was a road trip movie with lame gags that was so lazy that they forgot to put in the lame gags.


Exactly how much material revolving around CGI chipmunks voiced by high pitched audio editing warrants theatrical release? You could have milked this as far as it could have gone by just as easily sending it direct to video.


It's not even as though the presence of the talent involved with this 90 plus minute waste of space justifies such exposure. The celebrity voices of Alvin, Simon, and Theodore are unrecognizable raising the query of why they even bothered and what exactly has Jason Lee been up to since the end of "My Name is Earl?"

I almost can't even muster up the rage needed to give it the thrashing it so desperately deserves. About the nicest thing that I can really say about "The Road Chip" is that I commend its honestly.

At no point did it ever put up the pretense of being more than a cash grab and given some of the things that I've sat through this year, I almost kind of respect that kind of unabashed greed.

Sounds like its getting off easy but I'd honestly rather save my energy for something a lot more complex that my words are more than likely still doomed to do justice.




Strange doesn't even begin to describe it.

For better or ill, George Lucas doesn't do anything half way. "Strange Magic" is far from the wretched hive of low quality that it would appear to have been talked up as but is easily one of the most bizarre things that I have ever seen in wide release.

A fantasy between two fairy kingdoms, "Strange Magic," plays out as a sort of twist on A Midsummer Night's romantic comedy of errors.

Princess Marianne tries to desperately protect her sister Dawn from heartache after a bad experience with a soured relationship, while confronting her own trust issues at the height of conflict with the Bog King and his Dark Kingdom. All through the power of recycled pop music.

In true George Lucas fashion, the film does't quite end its bland cliches at fantasy subject matter but makes the decision to toss in a set of completely unrelated ones to ensure it leaves as something memorable for better or worse. 

Loathe as I am to admit it however, whatever went into this decision was probably for the best, as the odd quirkiness of the film translates into such a unique personality that sets it apart from being a dime-a-dozen forgettable children's flick.

Strange Magic is most certainly bad, that much is undeniable but almost as undeniable as the charm of the film's sincerity. 

Unlike most jukebox musicals snagging randomly unrelated songs to needlessly crowbar into a plot that didn't ask for it, this one actually cherry picks similarly themed songs with which to base set-pieces on. It doesn't all exactly work and like the worst musicals, hit a bit too fast and furiously but the impact, despite diminished effect, at least has an effect.

The musical numbers that do work along with the well utilized production budget, which looks surprisingly crisp for such little money put into it, and the movie's own charm carry it quite a way. Sadly not into the territory of actually being good.

While clearly aiming to portray romance in a less manufactured light and even succeeding in a few surprisingly nuanced ways, it's aim doesn't always hit on target. Whether it be unfortunate racial implications (lots of pasty white elegant fairies and whacky comedic elves of dark complexion) or disturbingly naive reinforcements of friendship evolving into romance being a foregone conclusion, Strange Magic is an awkward product of good intentions but confused execution.

This is of course to say nothing of the love it or hate it nature of everything constructing the film's narrative, as one man's charm is easily another's irritation.

Cliche yet unnatural in all of the right and wrong ways, Strange Magic gets by shearly on its ambition. The only thing stopping it from joining the pantheon of strangely awful animation the likes of films such as this year's "Norm of the North" or 2008's "Delgo" is that the passion that went into the movie, whether or not it was misguided or otherwise, was clearly on display.

That love for the production is almost infectious. While I'll not defend Strange Magic as deserving of The Road Chip's level of success, it's effort makes it easily worth more reward than anything to come from any of those cynical dollar printing presses.

In my own disturbed stockholm syndrome-esque way, I kind of even like it.

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