Where 2014 had far too many great films to give focus to everything deserving of praise, the difficulty of 2015 was singling out which of the year’s critical and, in some cases, commercial flops are most worthy of shaming.
Given how many bullets that I presented myself in front of in theaters, Crapshoot could just as easily be filled with horrors that I’ve already been witness to but that wouldn’t be particularly sporting. In the spirit of Crapshoots past, present, and future, the next few weeks will be dedicated to 10 of some of 2015s most notorious I have yet to encounter, and find out if they are worth their hype, or lack thereof.
Curious what won’t be making that list? Allow me to remind you while simultaneously giving myself traumatic flashbacks.
Fantastic Four
Never has a better image of everything wrong with the modern studio system been personified. “Fantastic Four” is a bizarre film in which every single element contributing to its existence appears to be on a completely different page from one another and how a studio could have gotten half way through production on this turkey while announcing a 2017 sequel with a straight face before even reaching post production is a mystery for the ages.
Pixels
While I continue to be baffled as to exactly how this was the movie that has done in Adam Sandler’s theatrical career despite the numerous worse atrocities that he has been allowed to subject America to for years, I’ll simply settle for being happy that his Happy Madison crew is out of theaters and Sony is down one more potential money making crap factory. Hopefully Sandler takes the hint and digs up some of the talent he’s capable of displaying.
Jem and the Holograms
The only thing that prevents me from kicking this thing while it’s down is sheer pity. Sure it sucks but on a $5 million production budget, what was it supposed to do? Any creativity that it could have displayed was snuffed out by the environment that it was produced in; an environment happy to throw $200 million at a “Battleship” movie but couldn’t even be bothered to go above 7 digits for a female skewing property that didn’t even need to be as narrowly marketed as it was.
My contempt is less for the horrendous final product but more for the Hasbro and Universal studios executives that will inevitably use it as fuel to argue against quality catered to a female demographic despite setting up its own sabotage.
Terminator Genisys
The Connor family may not have a say in their future but America has spoken and, in a surprise twist, has finally put an end to the parading corpse of James Cameron’s baby. Now if only they could aim that anti-enthusiasm at another big budget franchise about transforming robots fighting to determine the fate of humanity.
Hitman Agent 47
I’m not entirely convinced that Twentieth Century Fox didn’t produce this in order to deliberately lose money for some reason. A summer released reboot of a film forgotten by the public that was a film adaptation of a B grade video game franchise, written by Skip Woods should need no more explanation.
Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension
…*sigh*
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