It's the Most Cynical Time of the Year: Christmas Picks for the Unfestive

Tis’ the season to completely ignore the season.

There once was a time when I celebrated Christmas with a selection of Christmas themed non-Christmas films as a delightfully quirky form of self expression. This year, I do it to escape the reality of working retail and subjugation to the worst of humanity. I’d rather face the actual monsters and threats of these films than put on a fake smile and deal with the monsters I face at work every day.

Those who are with can look forward to Holiday escapism in the form of any of the films below.

Iron Man 3

The Tale of Tony Stark’s hubris becomes more fondly remembered the more I watch and think of it.

One of the few dramatically effective and self-contained films of Phase 2, “Iron Man 3” is just shy of being a modern day “Die Hard.” Stripping Tony Stark of his money and forcing him to confront whether or not he is worthy of his hero status without his nest of resources, he remembers what exactly he’s fighting for similarly to how much easier it is to remember the true spirit of the holidays, when you’re not watching fights break out over middle-aged adult children trying to save 5 dollars on children’s toys.

  

Prometheus

On Christmas Day, an Earth ship of extravagantly financially backed scientists arrive on a distant planet, to be confronted by just how small their species is in the universe.

They must grapple with the reality of the insignificance of their own desires in the face of something grander that impacts the entire galaxy, facing questions of whether learning their origins has an impact on what they choose to do with their lives. Those that selfishly chase their own agenda die horribly and disappointingly while those that seek the true purpose of their mission are granted opportunities to do so and allowed to go out in a blaze of glory.

What more could you ask for from a season commercially marked as a time of love and peace through merchandise sales?

Jurassic World

Yes, that’s right. In case you missed it, Jurassic World is indeed a holiday film.

And do I even need to describe how ironically wonderful a film about forsaking unnecessary gimmicks in favor of bolstering old favorites and the true meaning of its subject matter is during the holiday season.

However you celebrate Christmas, make it a happy one folks.