Truly, nothing says horror, like Uwe Boll.
(I promise you, this trailer does more justice to the material than the actual film)
For those unaware of the German mastermind behind such classics as “Alone in The Dark” and “Postal”, Uwe Boll’s work is often cited as the reason video games should never be adapted into film.
Roughly 80 percent of his films are frequently rated by most critics and film audiences alike as the worst films ever made. One of those movies is “BloodRayne,” a 2005 horror action flick about a half vampire out for revenge against her father for the murder of her mother. It sucked but went on to spawn two sequels, “BloodRayne 2: Deliverance” and the subject that has graced me with its presence this week, “BloodRayne: The Third Reich,” a movie about a half vampire leading a military resistance against Nazi vampires that somehow manages to be one of the most exceptionally boring things that I've watched in recent history.
Set in the middle of World War II, “BloodRayne: The Third Reich” continues the story of half vampire, half human Rayne. This time, she’s working with a resistance group seeking to combat Hitler’s army when she’s forced to feed on a Nazi soldier in order to regenerate. The feeding has caused him to turn vampire, a tactical advantage that the Nazis seek to exploit in their quest for world domination, forcing Rayne and the resistance to stop this squad from delivering their findings on vampirism to Hitler, who could become immortal.
The film opens up with an assault on a German train carrying Jews to be sent to concentration camps and it is in this opening segment that you truly realize just how awful of a ride you’re in for.
For starters, the film that claims to be set in Nazi Germany doesn't have anybody speaking in a German accent. I’ve heard some British accents and even New York accents but never for a single moment did I buy that these characters were German or even in Germany. Every performance in the movie is bland and tasteless but the least they could have done was try to define their setting.
Not that there was much of an illusion to begin with. Like most of Uwe Boll’s movies, the low budget cinematography makes the entire world look downright disgusting. It’s like watching a bad action film shot through a lens smeared in mud. There is nothing visually appealing here in the slightest.
To compound that horrendous acting and bad camerawork, the few action scenes to be had are god-awful. The camera is zoomed in to an extent that makes discerning what happens onscreen a chore and the choreography is laughable at best. Rayne brings swords to gun fights for no apparent reason and despite having deadly accuracy just seconds beforehand, every time she comes on screen with her blades, every bullet fired by her enemies magically misses.
If everything I have just said about this movie sounds dry, I’m sorry but there really isn’t much to say about it. It takes what could have been a relatively fun premise and turns it into a movie so dull that it hurts. I fail to understand how a film about a day walking vampire hunter fighting Nazis can make an hour and fifteen minutes feel like two hours. Every once in a while, chuckles can be elicited from the overacting of the supporting cast but at the end of the day, “BloodRayne 3” isn’t astoundingly bad enough to be engrossing. Poor production values and cartoonish characters aside, it’s not badass or ironically funny, just lame.
1 Shatner out of 4
Bottomline: Uwe Boll. What else needs to be said?
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