Lightning Round: Gifts that Keep on Giving

Christmas gift enough for me this holiday season.

Lightning Round: Things for the Family

Entertainment of all age brackets.

Rolling the Dice on Opportunity

That time again so soon after the last one.

"Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them" review

Still looking for the fantastic this film promised to help me find.

Hidden Depths: The Death and Return of "Superman Returns"

A movie with ideas so good, it only took about 10 years for them to supplant the character’s modern interpretation.

"Arrival" review

If only we put this much effort into understanding communication in real life.

Happily Never After: "The Enchanted Christmas" and "Belle's Magical World"

If it’s all the same, I’d rather not be your guest for this outing.

"Doctor Strange" review

Entertaining? Very much so. Strange? Not quite.

"Max Steel" review

Maybe I should cut Hasbro a little bit of slack.

"Jack Reacher: Never Go Back" review

I wish someone would pay me millions to act out a fully produced power fantasy.

Tools of Construction (Epilogue): The Kingsglaive Conundrum

On the plus side, “Assassin’s Creed” looks a little less terrible comparatively.

"Shin Godzilla" review

In keeping with tradition, I revisit Godzilla in the fall for the 3^rd year in a row.

"The Birth of a Nation" review

*Warning* Crit. Hit more often than not intends to avoid discussions of the polarizing and politically charged variety. While there's nothing wrong with discussion, these are topics that tend to bring out the worst in people and can lead to an ugliness I'd rather not associate with the beauty of storytelling that I love to celebrate. Especially in today's climate. However, I can't in good conscience review this film without expressing awareness of its relevance to the current state of sociopolitical issues.

Whatever problems you may or may not have with this film, check your agenda at the door, You can't convey tone through text and I refuse to heed any comments of insensitivity regarding real people undergoing real suffering in the past, present, or future.

"Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children" review

Peculiar in name only.

Fromage Fridays #39: Independence Wars Insurgence

Even Bill Pullman wouldn't have found anything about this independence worth celebrating.

Lightning Round: Post Summer Special

Three weeks of September have proven to be better than 3 months of multiple summer releases combined.

"The Magnificent Seven (2016)" review

Saddle up for a trip through the mild West.

Happily Never After: "Return of Jafar" and "Aladdin and the King of Thieves"

This whole new world doesn’t feel particularly fresh.

Brief Delays

That time again sadly, Though I loathe to push off something within spitting distance of completion, you'll notice that the first major entry of Never Happily After hasn't materialized. There's a reason for it.

An unfortunate computer error occurring during the final stages of editing has left me with a bit of a setback; a lot of the copy from my final product was improperly saved and now irretrievable.

The only reason I'm not actively angry and venting over this is because I take a lot of hand written notes for projects such as these that serve as the backbone to a lot of the finalized content. While some rewriting is necessary, I have prior knowledge of what the post will become in addition to everything I have to say about it in tact.

So there you have it. I apologize profusely at the delay and take no pride in stretching this project out longer than I already have to but it is neverthelss coming along nicely if nothing else. Expect coverage of Disney's milking of 1001 Nights this coming Tuesday.

Whether this effects the rest of my posting schedule remains to be seen but is otherwise unlikely.  

Boys and their Monsters: Lesser Known Monster Movies about Childhood

Summer of 2016 was full of cinematic disappointments. Some of them managed to be decent films despite that, most of them have furthered the decay of the Summer movie season as a time to bust out studio big guns into a hollow bloated overly commercial annoyance lacking in genuine awe but personally, one of those disappointments have stood out to me in the weirdest of ways.

Fall 2016 Preview

With Summer done, What’s to come?

End of Summer 2016

The Good, The Bad, The Crushingly Disappointing, and The Tragically Overlooked.

"Mechanic: Resurrection" review

Nothing says end of the summer like Jason Statham.

Fromage Fridays #38: Mr. Right

The best and worst thing about “Mr. Right” is its own conception as a story.

Tools of Construction:What Will It Take for Good Video Game Cinema (Finale)

How long before the good one rises?

"Sausage Party" review

Food never looked so unappetizing.

10 out of Nonsense: The Misconception of Review Scores

Another DC failure, another round of negative back draft, another round of negative back draft against negative back draft.

"Nine Lives" review

This is real. It is a thing that actually happened. It is not a joke.

"Suicide Squad" review

Leave the petitions to shut this blog down at the door.

"Jason Bourne" review

Because lofty self titled new beginnings are always winners, right?

New 52 Pickup: Animated Anarky

This hasn't been their only animated disappointment in recent memory

New 52 Pickup: Beware the Bat

This is supposed to be a superhero “universe,” right?

"Star Trek Beyond" review

Going boldly or limping stagnantly into which territory?

New 52 Pickup: Part 1.5 "Dawn of Justice: Ultimate Edition" review

This week has not been pleasant.

"Ghostbusters (2016)" review

Who ya gonna call, indeed.

Happily Never After: Disney's Direct to Video Legacy (Mission Statement)

"Aladdin 4" isn't that far fetched a concept at this point.

"The Secret Life of Pets" review

The parts of self tail chasing and curtain clawing that you don't get to catch.

"The Legend of Tarzan" review

Welcome to the CGI sound stage jungle.

"Independence Day: Resurgence" review

Should you celebrate your Independence Day in a movie theater?

Tools of Construction: Video Game Movies Using the Wrong Assets

A reminder for the few that still remember that the movie even exists, Ratchet & Clank was an outright bore at best and a slightly awkward, bland, pedestrian, and derivative kids flick indicative of everything wrong with marketing demographic driven filmmaking at worst. That the movie ended up being bad has now been long documented.

The primary question remains however; Could Ratchet & Clank have made a good movie?

Fromage Fridays #37: American Hero

The only thing more difficult than finding a Stephen Dorff movie is finding a good one.

"Finding Dory" review

Is it the organic extension a la Toy Story, the soulless cash grab of Cars, or something in between? 

"The Purge: Election Year" review

Obligatory Election 2016 forecast joke.

Tools of Construction Part 1.75/Movie Review Special: Warcraft Variables

Has the messiah of video game movies finally arrived?

New 52 Pickup: Reconstructing the DC Brand (Part 1: Clarity in Character)

DC, we need to have a talk.

"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows" review

Thirty years may have passed but nothing’s changed with these turtles.

"X-Men: Apocalypse" review

Is it the mutant end of days or the light at the end of the tunnel?

Tools of Construction 1.5: The Angry Birds Equation

Curse this fortuitous timing.

"The Nice Guys" review

If you're eyeballs need a break from CGI...

Tools of Construction: Where did "Ratchet and Clank" Go Wrong?

Even Insomniac and Sony couldn’t intervene to make a good videogame movie. Is there hope?

Coming Soon

Determined to stave off the overwhelming stresses of everyday life, this summer, I am determined to remind myself of why I love this season for entertainment, even if it kills me.

So rather than sink to the lethargic standstill of writing an insignificant opinion about movies everybody will more than likely see anyway, maybe the threat of looming embarassment will light the fire needed to produce the content that you, my readers, deserve.

For the next 3 months, expect about 2 coming posts a week with monthly installments involving a few writing projects I've been itching to jump on.

So, what's on the docket first?

Captain America: Civil War review

The end of one series heralds the beginning of more to come.

Crapshoot 2016: Finale

Time to stop living in the past.